My struggle with body image started in 5th grade, when a boy in my class looked me up and down and had the nerve to say to me, “You have big thighs!” That comment may seem insignificant, but that was the first time I ever thought that something may be wrong with the way my body looked.
And that moment set off a continued hyper-consciousness of my weight. So I was never fat or even chubby growing up. I stayed slim and those close to me always knew me to be that way. But I knew that if I took one eye off of watching my weight that it would definitely pile on.
So to keep my weight in check, I stayed very active. Always involved in an afterschool activity – dance, cheerleading, karate, step team. I always had after school practice, from elementary all the way through college. And that combined with skipping and skimping on meals was unhealthy but effective.
But how do you keep that up when there are no more afterschool activities??
Three months after I graduated college, I put on 20 pounds, the heaviest I had ever been up until that point. I was even able to avoid gaining the “Freshman 15”, so I could not believe what the scale was telling me. I hated the way I looked and I was unhappy so I made it my sole priority to lose the weight. I joined my local Bally’s gym and made changes in my diet and the weight slowly came off. I was so motivated seeing my body change.
I continued on for the next 7 years learning all I could about fitness and healthy eating, I went to the gym regularly, became a runner, lead boot camp classes and even organized a weight loss competition at my job. Fitness became fun for me and I loved the way my body looked and how great I felt when I was living a healthy lifestyle and helping others achieve theirs.
So how did I get to be 183lbs? 63 pounds over my goal weight.
I got married and left my job, family, friends, everything I knew in Miami to be with my husband in New York. It was a hard transition that I really didn’t expect. I spent most of the first year cooped up in our apartment watching TV. I was a little intimidated about venturing out into the city on my own and there would be many weeks that I only left our apartment on the weekends. You see, my husband worked long hours during the week so when the weekend came around, we would go out to explore the city and do what we love best – EAT!! Some weekends we would go out to eat for breakfast, lunch AND dinner. New York has so many yummy food options anything I was craving, New York had it.
So for much of that first year, I put the worries about my weight aside and I have to admit, it was fun. Korean food, gourmet donuts, burgers and fries, I ate it all guilt free. My excuses were, “I’m a newlywed”, “I’m new to NY”, “I’m taking a break and I’m enjoying my husband”. Which was all true, but I took it too far. So far that I gained 30 of those 63 pounds within four months.
It took me an entire year to say “I just can’t do this anymore”. And now, I don’t recognize this body, I don’t recognize the person I’ve become because of all this weight. This isn’t me. I’m uncomfortable in my clothing, self-conscious and I’m tired all the time. To start fresh, I had to first forgive myself for letting myself go. It’s only been a few weeks into my new fitness journey but I am committed to reaching my goals. So here are my before pictures and measurements and I am saying goodbye to this old Casie for the last time.
November 13, 2017
HEIGHT: 5’ 4”